i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
