Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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