can we get nightvision for the apartment?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
