Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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