I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
