and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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