so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
