tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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