I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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