there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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