the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
