just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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