i love accidental penises.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
