I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
