I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
