Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You ate ashes out of my bong
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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