Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
50% drunk capacity currently
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
