she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
