I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
