I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize