I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
