you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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