Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
