Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
