What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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