if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm determined to sit on that face.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
