your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
