Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
