he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The power of my boobs compel you
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
