My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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