you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
