I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I want her autograph on my taint
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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