hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
