Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
