Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
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Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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