This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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