Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
And then he peed in my hair
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