Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
