Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
