guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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