She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
