Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
