Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
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I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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