but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
