You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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