I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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