there's paper in my vomit.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the condom got lost in my hair
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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