in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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