When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
