I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Don't make out with my wife yet
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i now understand why vodka
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
