I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
