sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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