I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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