new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
