happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
