i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
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I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
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Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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