Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Drunk is not a location!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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