guys are only as good as the porn they watch
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
