You work out of a Hotel?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He better not be in your backpack
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
