I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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