fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
