someone owes me an orgasm
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
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