and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
