Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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