Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
