Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
