We got so high we made milksteak
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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